Some volunteers find “special friends” immediately or soon after upon arriving at Amigos. I didn’t. I loved all of the kids, but I didn’t feel a particularly special bond with any of the little guys until about halfway through my time at Amigos.
There is a little boy here who I’ll call Joshua. As of this past Easter when he was baptized, Joshua is my Godson, and I really believe he’ll have a special place in my heart forever. He should because he pushed and fought into that place in my heart.
There actually was a point in my relationship with Joshua when the only thing that kept me going was a spiritual talk by our priest. Fr. Den stated that when we meet God one day, He’ll probably look like one of the kids who gave us the most trouble. I had to imagine meeting God/Joshua one day to make it through some tough times with him.
Joshua came to Amigos last November. I ended up teaching him kindergarten for about a month when he was in a transitional classroom. He behaved pretty terribly and constantly beat up on his younger brother during the school day. We didn’t bond that much during this teacher/student relationship.
At some point around February, Joshua really started seeking me out. He greeted me with hugs and big smiles, and we became friends. I was so excited when he asked me to be his Godmother in April, but our relationship became rocky soon after his Baptism. He demanded that I play with him and became jealous whenever anyone else entered our games. Joshua invited me to play soccer, and then would make fun of my skills (granted he had a valid point, but still…) I heard from other people that he was acting like a terror in his dormitory and the school, and I witnessed it myself on occasions.
This song and dance act became so exhausting, and I was brainstorming different psychological approaches to take with him. In all honesty, it crossed my mind more than once that he was acting like a brat, and I should just give my love and attention to other kids who would appreciate it more. Thankfully, God’s grace shined through to show me that I couldn’t give up on him as other adults in his life before had done.
Recently Joshua has made a lot of improvement. We’ve been on a good relationship streak now for about two months now. This isn’t a happy ending/miracle story because he still struggles. I guess the difference is now that he seems to be trying a little harder, and I have grown in my love for him. He’s smart, sweet and quick-tempered, and the heartfelt greeting that I receive from him every day fills my heart. He’s been through so much in his little life. Joshua told me of abuse that he experienced at the hands of a family member, and I just found out last week that he was a witness to the violent death of this same family member.
About every other day, he asks me how many days are left until I leave, and my heart breaks a little bit. We talk about how I’m his Godmother for forever, and nothing can ever change that. I know that a different past could have influenced Joshua to be a different person, and I know that a loving family could reduce some of his heartache. But no matter how much I love him and want more for him, I can’t change the past, and I can’t provide for him more than Amigos is able to give him. All I can do is love him for today and tomorrow and for the next two months and through the “ugly gringa” tantrums until I hug him with all of my might and say not adios, but hasta luego because I pray that this boy will always be a part of my life.
